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Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn’t dare discuss in front of him — his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, “Someone just picked my pocket!” Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, “How could anyone stoop so low?”

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For years, scientists believed the vast phenotypic（表型的） differences between humans and chimpanzees would be easily explained — the two species must have significantly different genetic makeups. However, when their genomes were later sequenced, researchers were surprised to learn that the DNA sequences of human and chimpanzee genes are nearly identical. What then is responsible for the many morphological and behavioral differences between the two species? Researchers at the Georgia Institute of Technology have now determined that the insertion and deletion of large pieces of DNA near genes are highly variable between humans and chimpanzees and may account for major differences between the two species.The research team lead by Georgia Tech Professor of Biology John McDonald has verified that while the DNA sequence of genes between humans and chimpanzees is nearly identical, there are large genomic “gaps” in areas adjacent to（临近的） genes that can affect the extent to which genes are “turned on” and “turned off.” The research shows that these genomic “gaps” between the two species are predominantly due to the insertion or deletion (INDEL) of viral-like sequences called retrotransposons that are known to comprise about half of the genomes of both species. The findings are reported in the most recent issue of the online, open-access journal Mobile DNA.”These genetic gaps have primarily been caused by the activity of retroviral-like transposable element sequences,” said McDonald. “Transposable elements were once considered ‘junk DNA’ with little or no function. Now it appears that they may be one of the major reasons why we are so different from chimpanzees.”McDonald’s research team, composed of graduate students Nalini Polavarapu, Gaurav Arora and Vinay Mittal, examined the genomic gaps in both species and determined that they are significantly correlated with differences in gene expression reported previously by researchers at the Max Plank Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology（人类学） in Germany.”Our findings are generally consistent with the notion that the morphological and behavioral differences between humans and chimpanzees are predominately due to differences in the regulation of genes rather than to differences in the sequence of the genes themselves,” said McDonald.The current analysis of the genetic differences between humans and chimpanzees was motivated by the group’s previously published findings (2009) that the higher propensity for cancer in humans vs. chimpanzees may have been a by-product of selection for increased brain size in humans.

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This is a story from the novel Three Kingdoms. Jiang Wei was adept（熟练的） with both pen and sword. He was not only a man of intelligence and bravery, but also a man of resources and astuteness（精明，机敏） . Zhuge Liang wanted to win Jiang Wei over to be his assistant. When he learned that Jiang Wei was a filial（孝顺的） son whose mother was living in Jicheng City, he devised a plan to win him over. He ordered Wei Yan to attack Jicheng City by bluffing and blustering. As soon as Jiang Wei heard the news, he immediately led the troops to Jicheng City to save his mother. Zhuge Liang sent captured-general Xiahou Mao to Jicheng City to persuade Jiang Wei to surrender. When Xiahou Mao was only halfway there, he was told by people that Jiang Wei had already surrendered to the Shu State. Therefore Xiahou Mao had to go to Tianshuiguan. He came to the city of Tianshuiguan about Jiang Wei’s surrender. In the middle of the night, Zhuge Liang asked somebody to dress up as Jiang Wei and attack Tianshuiguan. This made the officers and soldiers in the dity really believe that Jiang Wei’s surrender to Shu State was true.Jiang Wei tried every possible means to protect Jicheng City, although he lacked the necessary army provisions. One day Jiang Wei led his soldiers to seize army provisions（食品，预备） . The soldiers of the Shu State took advantage of this and seized the city. Since Jiang Wei had lost the city, he could only run to Tianshuiguan. The generals and soldiers wouldn’t let him into the city, because they mistakenly believed that he surrendered to the enemy. Jiang Wei had to go off into the wilderness. He went less than a few kilometers before Zhuge Liang came along in a carriage and his troops encircled Jiang Wei. Realizing he was trapped, he surrendered to Zhuge Liang.

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Who was more politeA fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was more polite.The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man said he was the more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.谁更礼貌一个胖男人和一个瘦男人正在为谁更有礼貌而争吵。瘦男人说他更礼貌，因为他总是向一个女士脱帽致意。但是胖男人说他更礼貌，因为无论何时他起身给女士让座总是能让两位女士同时坐下。

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A middle-aged man marries a younger woman but discovers that no matter what he does in bed, she won’t orgasm. So he takes the problem to his doctor who explains that maybe fantasy sex is the answer.So the man hires a young, charming male escort and has him stand naked while waving a towel over the couple as they are having sex. They try it but to no avail.The man goes back to his doctor who suggests trying things the opposite way around, with the escort having sex with the woman whilst the man waves the towel.Now becoming desperate, the man gets the same escort and tries the doctor’s method. Soon the woman bursts into a great orgasm and the man throws down the towel, taps the escort on the shoulder and shouts triumphantly, “See, thats how you wave a bloody towel!”

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After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me” So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherrybomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . “, at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

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by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He’s standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying “If you catch me, I’m yours.” He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he’s running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he’s about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg. He’s back on the street and starts to think. “Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time…” So he races back to the gym and says, “I want to lose 20 more kg.” “No problem,” says the manager. Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he’s standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign “If I catch you, you’re mine.”

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aOne day, there was a customer talked about fish with me by a big fish pond.”I kept many big fish in my home pond” the customer said.”What’s your fish size?” I asked.”Bigger than yours.” He made a gap of about 16—-18 inches between his two forefingers.”That isn’t just big fish, big money as well. You know the same size fish for sale in our pond about 400 quid each.” I said.”Yes! I know.” There was obviously a smile on his face, he was a little proud.”How long have you kept them?” I asked.”About 10 years.” He told me.”You are a very good fish keeper.” I praised him.”Of course, I am! Did you know all of my fish were originally bought from you.” His chest became a little bigger.”They were our fish.” I said.”Yes! That’s true!” He put his thumb up toward me.Both of us were laughing.”I need another fish pond now indeed.” He said.”You can set up another fish pond by the original one then link up the two ponds together and make the water run from this pond to that pond like nature flow, the fish could swim from this pond to the other too. It should be wonderful!” I said by my poor English with the necessary body language.”Yes, I will, but the problem is I have to move into a new house in the near future.” He said.”Don’t worry, you can talk with our manager and sent your fish here for a holiday, we will expertly look after your fish, after you settle down, you can come and take your fish back to your new pond ” I said acted as a manager seemingly at the moment.”Yes, good idea! But…” He paused and looked around.”What’s the any more problem?” I eagerly wanted to know and try to help him.”Where is my wife? Talking about fish, I forgot the another half, now I have to forget the fish and looking for my wife.” He showed me a naughty smile, turned back and darted（突进，投掷） to indoor.”Don’t worry, if you lost your wife go to the information desk!” I shouted to him as he has ran away.

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He was the president of a major advertising firm and I was a very young management consultant. I had been recommended to him by one of his employees who had seen my work and thought I had something to offer. I was nervous. At that stage in my career, it wasn’t very often that I got to talk to the president of a company. The appointment was at 10:00 a.m., for one hour. I arrived early. Promptly at 10, I was ushered into a large and airy room, with furniture upholstered in bright yellow. He had his shirtsleeves rolled up and a mean look on his face. “You’ve only got 20 minutes,” he barked. I sat there, not saying a word. “I said, you’ve only got 20 minutes.” Again, not a word. “Your time’s ticking away. Why aren’t you saying anything?” “They’re my 20 minutes,” I replied. “I can do whatever I want with them.” He burst into laughter. We then spoke for an hour and a half. I got the job.

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A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer Camp.He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella.The counselor asked, “Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?”The kid answered, “Did you ever have a mother?”
Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, a young girl said unhappily, “Mom, do you realize some poor animal suffered so you could have that?”Her mother shot her an angry look, “How dare you talk about your father like that?”

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